It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, November 30, 2004
withers away @ 10:54 pm

today went to orch and woodlands lib to do cip.. hoho 6h in all.. we were so efficient the librarians were shocked haha.. borrowed more books. oh my books rox! been reading loads of non-fic stuff.. currently: the seven spiritual laws of success by deepak chopra. read more than half of it on the train liao.. picked up the book because of the author. dont ask me why i also dunno haha.. borrowed the book because i saw the words: the law of "karma". hahahaha.. gonna quote quite a bit of stuff from there..
this is what it says about the law of "karma": every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind... what we sow is what we reap. and when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success. Something else it says in this chapter: Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive; it's holistic, it's contextual, it's relational... At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
in the next chapter: the law of least effort. When you struggle against this moment, you're actually struggling against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against the moment... You accept things as they are, not as you wish they were in this moment... You can wish for things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to accept things as they are. ok i realised this is alot.. haha.. somemore.. responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
reading rox.

It's something Mystical

Monday, November 29, 2004
withers away @ 10:13 pm

today was such a crappy day haha.. wanted to do cip in orch lib. met at 10. went there only to find the lib's opening time is 11. stoned for quite a while.. wanted to do cip until 6. at 11 when we went in and asked the librarian whether we could do cip, we were told to go into some room. turned out that we haf to book our time slots. and the 1st rule was that we have to borrow 4 books frm orch lib. 0.o didnt understand the rationale at all. we had to wear sch u too. so we spent all the time in orch lib looking for books to borrow. booked a time slot for tml.. after that went for lunch. then went to esplanade lib to see if we could do cip for the rest of the afternoon. found out that we cant do cip in esplanade branch. fine... decided to go toa payoh lib to see how.. before that we went mrs fields to get brownie, cookie and muffin... hmmmmm nice!! at toa payoh lib we saw ppl doing cip.. wif sch u.. so naturally we knew we couldnt do cip anymore.. and the slots were full.. so we gave up doing cip today haha.. spent the day in the lib reading.. reading in the lib rox.. i should do it more often.. at least it gives me some peace and quiet.. with no one to say anything to me. well gonna do more cip in woodlands lib coz no need prior booking.. haha.. good luck for me to survive the week sia haha..

It's something Mystical

Saturday, November 27, 2004
withers away @ 10:29 pm

went for cip again.. tiring.. bleahz.. i haf no karma wif doorbells.. but i saw a lot of nice dogs today haha.. doing more cip next wk.. in fact the whole wk.. gosh but how to do 80h before this yr ends? haiz nvm..

It's something Mystical

Thursday, November 25, 2004
withers away @ 10:32 pm

hoho guitar club may be busking sia! on the days when we were supposed to have cip.. 20th to 24th.. hoho.. but havent discuss anything abt it yet.. gotta have discussion tml..
did maths today again... hiya how sad can my life get hoho.. nvm..

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
withers away @ 10:12 pm

may be going overseas again.... hiya wait until confirm liao den say...
hoho i see that barney has a blog! haha.. duno juz found the idea funny.. didnt tink he would have one..
ended up somehow reading victor's blog.. nice blog too.. hmmm.. he can write really well.. better than me loh haha..
writing is a good way to express whatever you are feeling inside. and through writing people understand you more. sometimes maybe you will see that there are people out there facing the same thing as you. then you start to think that things might not be so bad afterall. you are not the only one, at the very least. people out there are surviving. so why cant you?


It's something Mystical

Tuesday, November 23, 2004
withers away @ 10:36 pm

had flag day today.. gosh it was really chi li bu tao hao.. v bad.. damn tiring sia.. carrying 30 packs of cards.. oh well nvm.. still have 3 more days to go.. shall survive somehow hoho..
suo you hui yi dui zhe wo jin gong
wo de shang kou bei ni chai feng
shi yan tai chen zhong lei bei zong rong
lian shang xiong yong shi kong
fan fang xiang de zhong by jay

It's something Mystical

Monday, November 22, 2004
withers away @ 11:07 pm

no more going overseas for me.. got some screw up in between.. so i shall stay quietly in s'pore..
doing cip tml.. hmmz cyn coming too.. on the cip in dec cannot do liao.. me n joan r pissed with the person-in-charge. ah oh wells wad can we do?

It's something Mystical

Sunday, November 21, 2004
withers away @ 10:34 pm

oh wells wad's there to blog abt.. still doing maths.. at a slow speed.. but better than nothing i guess.. oh been reading reports abt oli and sly.. haiz i dunno wad to say..

It's something Mystical

Saturday, November 20, 2004
withers away @ 10:55 pm

been doing maths maths and more maths. tho did it damn slowly coz i was slacking and stoning haha.. wad a boring life i lead man.. hmm bea's gone in china, el juz flew away a few hours ago.. bao's away in either genting or KL for the 3rd time in the hols.. *faints* me may be going thailand.. hmmmmmmz
oh yah oli got eliminated. i tot sly would go this wk.. me mum is sad tt oli's gone.. me is quite sad too coz oli really can sing.. but nonetheless im looking forward to the finals!! hope sly would improve:)
well since im so haunted by spiderman 2 everywhere i go, so there:
hope dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption
winding in and winding out
the shine of it has caught my eye
and roped me in
so mesmerizing
so hypnotizing
i am captivated
vindicated by dashboard confessional

It's something Mystical

Thursday, November 18, 2004
withers away @ 11:29 pm

hoho class outing today! but only abt half the class went.. 9 of us met at orch mrt stat, den walked to cine to get tix, only to realize that shutter wasnt showing there.. walked all the way to lido and spent quite some time deciding whether to watch shutter or not, coz sishan dun dare to watch.. ended up sishan n huimin watched shark tale in cine.. well ate lunch den went for movie.. gosh its scary.. only barney wasnt scared.. n the gals sitting in front made it worse by screaming irregardless of whether there was really anything to scream abt.. made me so scared.. but it was a nice show.. hmm.. after movie we walked back to cine to meet sishan n huimin.. wanted to play pool but realized it was ex.. wanted to bowl but it closed down.. so ended up with pool haha.. it was fun lahz..
the best thing was we forgot to take neoprint!! bleah.. but it was fun haha.. but not enuf ppl lahz... we tinking of having class outing again in dec.. kbox.. see how.. hope me can go hoho.. but use a lot of money liaoz... heehee.. nvm nvm.. will make it..

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, November 17, 2004
withers away @ 10:31 pm

ytd was nice.. my 2nd movie of the wk.. n the 3rd tml.. gosh as tho im really rich man.. 3 movies in 4 days.. hoho..
lunch+movie+neoprint. typical sia.. haha juz hope u enjoyed yourself.. n nv refuse a treat frm dajie coz i'll make sure u get the money somehow..
gg for class outing tml.. wonder how many ppl are going.. hmmmz.. hope it'll be fun! but its the typical thing again haha.. wad else can we do.. haha..
saw this in the papers today. its nice sia...
bai yue guang xin li mo ge di fang
na me liang que na me bing liang
mei ge ren dou you yi duan bei shang
xiang yin cang que yu gai mi zhang

bai yue guang zhao tian ya de liang duan
zai xin shang que bu zai shen pang
ca bu gan ni dang shi de lei guang
lu tai chang zhui bu hui yuan liang

ni shi wo bu neng yan shuo de shang
xiang yi wang you ren bu zhu hui xiang
xiang liu wang yi lu die die zhuang zhuang
ni de kun bang wu fa shi fang

bai yue guang zhao tian ya de liang duan
yu yuan man yu jue de gu dan
ca bu gan hui yi li de lei guang
lu tai chang zen me bu chang

bai yue guang xin li mo ge di fang
na me liang que na me bing liang
mei ge ren dou you yi duan bei shang
xiang yin cang que zai sheng zhang
bai yue guang by zhang xin zhe

It's something Mystical

Monday, November 15, 2004
withers away @ 11:26 pm

am damn pissed wif my com. but nvm when am i not pissed wif it. it beats not having a com to complain abt in the first place.
went out wif cyn n bea today. el supposed to come but cant come. bleah. went ps. like for the i dunno how many times haha. watched cellular. not too bad haha. the theatre was rather empty hoho.. coz we watched the noon show sia.. made quite a lot of noise haha.. and finished the whole tube of chocs brought by bea hoho.. but i had to go home quite early coz gotta prepare and go for relative's wedding dinner.. erm buffet.. not exactly wedding also.. they just got engaged.. the groom's called pin too. hoho. haha.
i believe i can make it. trust me.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, November 13, 2004
withers away @ 10:52 pm

spent the day doing maths. cant believe myself sometimes haha. come to tink of it i really did maths and nothing else. gosh how did i do that? haha. but there's alot of maths to do. bleah.
oh yah. happy bdae pin! in another hr's time.
i know i gotta get my priorities right. slacked for too long, stoned for too long. guess its time for me to do something and change my mindset. i have to. and i will.
went on a jay craze again. maybe coz of syl. oh well wad talking me? ok i dun make sense.
tie he de xu bian cheng le ri ji
bian cheng le kong qi
yan hua cheng hui yi
yin xiang zhong de ai qing hao xiang
ding bu zhu na shi jian
suo yi ni qi quan
ban dao tie he by jay

It's something Mystical

Friday, November 12, 2004
withers away @ 10:00 pm

me got a new monitor! haha saw it on my table when i came home today. actually could have just got mb's old com monitor but i kept forgetting to tell my dad. den he buy new monitor also nv tell me.. so there. hiya who cares lah. as long as i can use my com and use the net! hoho.. im so happy sia..
erm and just out of nowhere, syl sang an jing ytd hahaha.. dunno just felt like saying it. haha.
lei bu lei
shui bu shui
dan ying wu ren xiang yi wei
ye yue hei
meng wei bei
you shei ken an wei
wo de shi jie jiang bei cui hui
huo xu tui fei ye shi ling yi zhong mei
shi jie mo ri by jay

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, November 09, 2004
withers away @ 3:22 pm

op is over!! haha finally.. but the q&a was quite horrible.. nvm.. in com lab now.. no choice my com is still dead.. somewhere.. actually my pw grp wanted to go out.. but due to unforeseen circumstances.. here am i! haha..
got so much to say yet dunno where to start. nvm shall just leave things as this.

It's something Mystical

Friday, November 05, 2004
withers away @ 9:59 am

ah im blogging again!! haha.. in the com lab of sch now since lib com section is closed for jae.. el is just a few steps away frm me nyo.. well so much has happened but so little time to type.. so nvm.. ytd was jc's bdae.. happy bdae!! haha.. had quite a fun time sia.. shant elaborate.. dun tink i haf a lot of time..
op is next tues.. ahhh.. actually not v scared for it.. its just the Q&A.. hope they dun ask some stupid qn..
glad that things worked out.. haiz..

It's something Mystical